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Thursday, June 4, 2015

Two Weeks

It's been two weeks since Z was born. I am finally starting to feel better physically from the traumatic events that occurred after the birth. I am dying to get back to the gym but I know I am not quite there yet. I am two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, into most of my old clothes, though my hips still have some shrinking to do and feeling pretty well.

Emotionally, I'm all over the place. I'm sure my hormones are contributing to it as well as all the stuff I went though. Sometimes when I think about it I feel like I am being overly dramatic and I should just suck it up and move on.

I am so incredibly thankful that I have my life and my family. I feel euphoric when I look at my kids and am thankful that I am their mother and they are mine. They're going up too fast, life is moving too fast for me now. I just need it to slow down.

I'm so thankful for my husband. I have no idea how to express my gratitude to him. I'm not an overly sentimental person and neither is he. I've tried to tell him just how much I appreciate and love him. He tells me that he's doing his job as a husband and that I am the glue that holds this family together. I disagree, this glue would be useless without him. I have a damn good husband, which I've always know, it just takes reminders sometimes.

Sometimes I feel panicky for no reason. The feelings of I'm going to die come back and I just freak out all over again.

Though this pregnancy was somewhat difficult, not my favorite by far, I'm sad too about never carrying for anyone again, it makes me feel old that the baby-making chapter in my life is closed.

I am working on thinking positive, moving forward, enjoying life. I know that I have so much.


  1. Take time to process all of scary stuff you went through. It takes a lot of time. I had a emergency csec at 28 weeks. It was a scary situation. I thought I was going to die.
    Afterwards, it was hard to take anything for granted. Lots of tears and hugs for quite a while.

    Be gentle with yourself. It will take time.

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    I'm making a documentary about surrogacy for french television.
    I want to speak with you about it. Can you contact me on my email to explain the project?